He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
