Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize