I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
