Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
