she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
