I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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