who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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