You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
