I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
