As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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