ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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