Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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