I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
