i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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