Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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