Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
