My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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