Me. At least after what I've been through.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
