I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
