so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
