Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
