I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I supernannyed him into submission
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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