there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize