there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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