i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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