I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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