i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
