My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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