wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
two words: eviction party
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
