Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
