the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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