I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize