Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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