He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
