Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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