Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
