Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
