I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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