It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Are we still banned from the library?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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