I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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