dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
