The maid of honor just puked.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I can't put those talents on a resume
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
