I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
