How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
