My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
