I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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