I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize