Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
