shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
