You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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