If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
