"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
