what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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