I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
