i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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