I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
where are my eyebrows?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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