btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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