Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
