Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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