I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
