Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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