I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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