There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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