oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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