ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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