So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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