I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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