Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
