how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
