He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
