I didn't shave. On purpose
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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