508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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