I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
