I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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