***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
