she was so not down for the gang bang
I bet he comes in French.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
